Walking in your Own Espadrilles.

….a conversation about comparison.

Comparing yourself….What does it accomplish?

What if the simple act of comparing yourself to another person actually repelled the very thing that you sought….or were attracted to in them to begin with?

Well the short answer is that it does. The very thing that you want is pushed farther away in the act of comparison!

So you can stop reading now if you like, or you can really explore a bit more around the Anatomy of Comparison and why we might choose to be awake to the damage and harm it can do to us.

You may wonder why I called this article “Walking in your own Espadrilles”. I did this because these fun shoes can be purchased just about everywhere from Kmart to Christian Louboutin…. and once you find the pair that you like….you can just enjoy the walk – your unique walk..

In the world I work and live in, I see how many people often compare themselves to others. I see the sorrow that comparison can cause and the disconnection that people feel from their possible, wonderful, delightful life that they have imagined for themselves in the act of comparison.

While reading a magazine, one may notice a picture of a model or celebrity and then say to themselves ” look at her legs! oh my goodness I want those legs….she’s so lucky, I have short stumpy legs and everyone notices that…How come she got a body like that and a face like that? It is so upsetting… and a bit unfair if I do say so myself.” ” I think I hate her”….

You may see a couple at a party talking and sharing together. You begin to converse with yourself saying…” I wish I had a relationship like those two, I guess some folks have it all and I hope one day I too can attract the relationship like theirs” ” Maybe if I was fitter or prettier, or my parents had not divorced when I was 12 I could have a relationship that was just like those two lovers…..but maybe I should just get what I can get and have another bit of chocolate cake.”

At work you may find your mind wandering, ” I think if I work really hard, if I go to bed early, if I read the right business and self development books and I wear the right style of clothes my boss may notice me, just like they noticed when so-and-so wore the right clothes and said such clever things. So-and-so was given a promotion, a raise and kudos….I really want what that one has….. please God/ Angels and anyone else out there listening, please hear me like you heard him/her and give me what I want? If only I could have it all!”

In my work I have even heard this extraordinary statement more than once….” If Oprah puts me on her show like that guy, well then all  my dreams will be answered. I could sell lots of books, make a name for myself and begin the life I know I should be living. I really wish I were so lucky that I could get on her show…..I have something to offer….I think maybe? I really wish she would discover me, then my dreams would be answered”.

These such statements of comparison and many more exclamations get repeated thousands of times a day, perhaps even countless times a minute, and in this case, though you may simply see words creating a story on a computer screen above…. I would like to tell you behind these paragraphs is grief, sadness, pain and confusion for my clients. It is as if they ALL are waiting for the moment when their wondrous lives will at last begin.

Some feel that life is hopeless, that they were overlooked by God and the angels and even overlooked by luck. They are victims to circumstances beyond their control. Their world is not a supportive one. Still others mask the grief with anger, acting out or being aggressive. The way they deal with the compassion is to give up any desire for a beautiful future and instead stomp to the beat of their own very noisy heavy metal drummer. Some become bullies and aggressors; this is all as a result of striving to fit into someone else’s shoes.

So let’s discuss what is really going on when we compare…..Simply put, we are disconnecting from ourselves as creators!

We are assuming that what we see is REAL. For example if we see something in a magazine we are assuming it is “real”….well  we are discovering in many cases that it isn’t. it is Photo Shopped! We assume that the lovers are so tight and clearly bonded that they will be one of those couples that are lifelong mates and perhaps even twin flames. We are assuming too much! Frankly stated we don’t know the whole story.

This is not about pulling another person down to suit our smaller perspective of ourselves; rather it is to allow more scope for observation and ultimately to gain clarity.

In our comparing we are creating a consciousness of victim and thus a dual message. The message is, “I am a victim to my life and I see everyone else around me getting what they want while I sit and wait, yet nothing comes my way, even when I try hard, use various laws of attraction still I get nothing I want!”  ”I have been overlooked again and I am so tired of it”! While in the act of comparing we are placing ourselves below others. We are not recognizing our own precious lives, nor our unique life’s purpose. We are seeing that our life is not good enough.  When we are reinforcing ourselves as VICTIM FIRST that is all that the divine and precious UNIVERSE hears first!!!! “YOU ARE A VICTIM SO I WILL GIVE YOU ALL THAT YOU WANT….YOU ASKED FOR VICTIM SO I WILL GIVE YOU’

Clearly, with messages like these, you will continue to get what you asked for….the sense that you are a victim! In other words “I am a victim, as I see others having so much more than me” is the stronger message that went forward, even before you entered the room. You may be asking for the beautiful legs, the job, the lover, the life that someone else has, but what you are stating in this now is that your life is simply not good enough; you are a victim to it…. you are sadly not able to have the life that you want. The life you had wished for eludes you.

Before you even began the statement of comparison first you stated that WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS NOW IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, and that where you would like to be is in someone else’s shoes.

So here is the good news.  How do we stop this cycle of comparing? Well we just simply give it up. We stop it. Yes, it can be that simple, if that is what we truly want. To stop the comparing and taste freedom is as simple as being present to your thoughts and words, your assumptions and your feelings…..in this NOW.

Use ‘this now’, ‘this now’ and this next now etc…. to create a possibility in this NOW!

Some out there know that I have two beautiful daughters…I am their mum – what else could I think! One daughter is a working actor, while the younger one wants to become a model. It is possible….their worlds ask them to be aware of the trends….within the observations of these trends there could be the comparison….so I say to them, “darlings run your own race and walk in your own shoes…. maybe even espadrilles”

Love

Sanna

also posted at http://www.koraorganics.com/blog/author/sannapurinton/